Attack of the lawn gnomes
by Ushiromae no Kuroi
Summary: Oh my god! That was so weird" "I know. I seriously thought that was a garbage pail." "No! Kakashi was just kidnapped by LAWN GNOMES" [Kakashi has accidently angered the lawn gnome Pop. Now Naruto and others must save him[Rated to be safe]
1. It begins

Mae-Alright. To some who have already read this fic. It is because that was on my other account "Yugi-obsessed". This is my new account that I share with my good buddy Kuro… this is where we place fics that we write together, and at the moment this fic has become a joint job between the two of us.

Summary: One day, while coming home from the grocery store, Kakashi knocks over a lawn gnome. It gets mad and it and its buddies start to attack the lovely -cough cough- civilians of Konoha. Many random events are also included throughout the story.

Warnings: May contain certain inappropriate language at times, violence, and randomly placed sound effects, words, situations and other things. Reader discretion is advised.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the creation of lawn gnome, nor do I own the sun. My teacher Mr. Campbell owns the grocery store part. I do not own ninja pebbles, Link and Luigi do.

All right! On with the fic. Please enjoy responsibly.

ooOOoo

It was a lovely day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping. A great day for skipping work, and taking the day off to enjoy yourself. But unfortunately, ninjas can't take the day off. No sir-ee! They have missions to fulfill, tasks to complete, and training to be done!

"WHERE IS HE GODDAMNIT!"

What's this? Someone is disturbing the peacefulness of the day! Lets go see what can possibly be so disturbing, that someone must shout like that shall we?

OoOOoo

Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were standing on the Konoha bridge. This is their regular meeting spot where they discuss what they are to do for the day. Their instructor, Kakashi, was no where in sight.

"NARUTO!" Screamed an angry, scary looking Sakura. "You had absolutely no reason what so ever to yell that loud!"

Naruto winced. "I'm sorry Sakura, it's just that we always get up so early to meet here with Kakashi. But he is never here until like freaking 2 hours later!"

"You think I'm not annoyed by that! Urg, you are such an idiot."

Sasuke, was leaning against the Bridge's railing trying to tune out the other two's yelling. He was very deep in thought.

"Sasuke! Sasuke! Hey Sasuke! Aren't you mad at Kakashi too!" Naruto yelled into his ear.

THWONK! Sakura thwacked Naruto on the head. "Leave Sasuke-kun alone! He is probably thinking of very important things! Like battle strategies! That's why he always beats you ya' know." Sakura crossed her arms and nodded her head intelligently while saying this. "He uses his time so wisely! He's so cool!" Sakura's eyes became glazed as thoughts of Sasuke flopped into her mind. We should probably leave her be now, she wont come back to earth for awhile.

Sasuke on the other hand flinched a little from the loudness of them both, and turned his back to them. _'I wonder how long I can ignore them for. Hmm... 1 dead Itachi, 2 dead Itachi's, 3 Dead Itachi's, 4 dead Itachi's, 5 dead Itachi's...'_

POOF! Kakashi landed on the bridge's railing, opposite of where Sasuke was leaning. "Yo. I'm sorry I'm late, you see... There was this Pirate who couldn't read his map.. and I helped him find the treasure." He waited his daily yelling's... He continued to wait... and wait... and wait...

He opened his one eye to see if his pupils were even there. Yes, they were indeed there... yet... Naruto lay unconscious on the ground by Sakura's feet. Sakura was still off in her Sasuke-filled dreams... and Sasuke... well... I'll let you see for yourself.

_'I wonder how many bowls of ninja pebbles I could eat... before I need to buy another box... I like ninja pebbles, so it would be a big bowl... and I would have a few every morning... so not very long... Then I would have to go buy more from the store.'_

"Sasuke?" Kakashi asked his only student that he thought would actually listen... but Sasuke didn't acknowledge the teacher. He was still... well...

_'I would go to the store, find my pebbles in aisle 5, get in the express line, and then pay the cashier for my box of ninja pebbles. Wait, I don't like that cashier much... So I probably wouldn't eat my cereal too quickly... I'll have to spread it out over a longer time period...'_

Poor Kakashi. No one is paying attention to him. "Erm, I am here to tell you that the mission for today was to cut the grass in Konoha. I'm going to go... Uh, do... Stuff now." He stared at the three who were oblivious to his existence at the moment. "Well, I came, I told, and... yeah... Bye!" He disappeared with another cool POOF!

_'Hmm, I could kill the cashier... I wonder if I could assign myself that mission.' thought Sasuke._

Naruto jumped up. "YOU'RE LATE!" He screamed, pointing an accusing finger at nothing. Naruto looked around for a bit, to his right, to his left, up, down and all around. He looked under the bridge, he checked over a tree, and even behind Sasuke. He walked over to where he stood when he yelled and thought a bit. "I swear I thought he was here... KAKASHI HAS BEEN UBDUCTED BY... ALIENS! I MUST SAVE HIM!" Naruto ran off into the sunset... despite the fact it was still morning. Ha ha, silly Naruto.

The yelling brought Sasuke out of his thoughts. He watched Naruto run off like a maniac, which cause him to question Naruto's sanity, and wonder if he had missed Kakashi. Oh well. He saw no point in staying where he was. He had his own business to take care of, and since he didn't actually hear Kakashi give the mission, he didn't have to do it. Right? He didn't have time for these IQ lowering idiots he was forced to work with everyday, so he walked off in the direction of the supermarket.

Sakura continued to stand very still, hands clasped together, eyes shining like pools of... liquid, and Sasuke very abundant in her mind.

ooOOoo

Kakashi was in the grocery store, picking out the many things he needed for essential everyday nutrients. His cart was half full, or perhaps half empty, at the moment. His one exposed eye was curved up in its usually happy way, and he had one hand on the cart handle. The other hand busy grabbing many a boxes and bags off of the shelves as he skipped happily down the aisle, and then dumping them into the shopping cart.

He sang as he skipped along. "Got ma carrots, and ma chocolate, and ma crackers-" This got him very many weird looks from all the females in the store.

After collecting all the items he wished to buy that lovely day, our funny Kaka-sensei got into the line to pay.

"Have you found everything you were looking to purchase for today?"

Kakashi didn't answer. He was busily glaring with his one exposed eye, at the poor unknowing cashier. Silence filled the store as the Jounin glared, glared like a hungry monkey in a tree of push pop candies. Suddenly, Kakashi pushed his arm over the counter, grabbing the front of the man's shirt. No words were exchanged between the two as the ninja pulled the cashier over the counter and slamming him onto the floor.

All of the old folks in the store gathered around the two, putting their arms up, cheering for Kakashi.

"Yeah!"

"Beat him good!"

"They'rrrre Grrrrreat!"

"Slam his head!"

Kakashi picked the man up and put laid him across his shoulders. He twisted around and slammed him back onto the ground. The cashier still hadn't said anything; he just lay limp thinking, 'Masked—Ninja…Crazy!' Kakashi was just as silent as he body slammed the poor beaten man.

The spectators roared with a loud cheer, excited from the nifty looking move.

"KA-KA-SHI! KA-KA-SHI!" They roared.

Cashier now semi-unconscious, Kakashi towered over him (still glaring). "Have you found all of what you were looking for?" He brushed himself off, straightened his no-existent tie, grabbed his groceries and walked out of the store, high-fiving the old people on the way out.

As Kakashi was getting ready to poof home, he saw Sasuke heading toward the grocery store, kunai in his hand. Hmm, what could his student possibly be doing? Oh well, time to get home. POOF!

ooOOoo

POOF! A cloud of white smoke appeared out of nowhere.

If you were standing near the white picket fence a few feet away from the poof of random white smoke, you would probably be very weirded out, and possibly disturbed. You might also get second hand smoke. But this was a ninja village, and people here would be quite used to it by now… and there are many white picketed fences that you could be standing by, so you might not be standing at this particular fence at this particular time. And, the only person that was even in the area, standing by this particular white picketed fence at this particular time, was… LEE! Lee is a ninja you say? Why yes I know that. He wouldn't have been weirded out by the poof because he's a ninja? I went on a rant that wasn't even needed? … Yes so anyways, Lee was standing by the fence; well… he was actually doing jumping jacks. Get back to the story? Okay.

Lee looked over at the poof of white smoke and ran over to it happily. "GAI-SENSEI!" he shouted hopefully.

The smoke cleared and all that was there was a puppy. The puppy looked up at Lee with a weird look and walked over to an apartment door. It took the key from under the mat, unlocked the door, and walked in.

"Aww… guess it wasn't…" he shrugged it off and went back to doing jumping jacks.

Again, very randomly, another white poof of smoke appeared. Lee was certain it had to be Gai-sensei! He ran back over and started to jump up and down clapping his hands happily. "GAI-SENSEI!"

Again the puff of smoke cleared. "Eh?" questioned a confused Kakashi. "Sorry kid, Gai isn't here right now, please leave a message after I finish telling you this and I will make up an excuse for why I did not give it to him."

Lee hung his head sadly and walked away, down the street into the sunset… Seriously! It's still morning… that is one magical sun.

Kakashi simply shrugged and walked across his lawn, only to trip over some random object. He sat up rubbing the back of his head trying to ease the pain. He didn't hit his head, but that's okay. What tripped him? He looked over beside his feet, only to see a ceramic lawn gnome. It was laying on its side now and its little rake had been knocked out of its hand. Aw, poor rake.

_Who would put a lawn gnome on a lawn?_ Kakashi collected up his spilled groceries and continued to his house.

The fallen lawn gnome's eyes glowed a bright yellow eventually fading to reveal its eyes again. The painted on eyebrows angled down to form a glare.

ooOOoo

Wow. I really enjoyed writing that! It was fun. I hoped you liked it as well!

I had originally written this 'attack of the lawn gnomes' about a year ago. It was using the Yugioh characters though. It was deleted unfortunately, and I still don't understand why… ah well. I rewrote it because I was bugging Kuro, and she told me to write it again… so I did! Yep… that is the story behind why I wrote it… where I got the idea from? That's another story.


	2. Narutos Pants, Sasuke Makeup

'Nother chapter of Gnomes. sighs 

**Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto, nor any characters. Mae-chan created the plot. **

Written By: Ushiromae   
**Translated from Mae to everyone else by:** Kuro 

Enjoy… or… yeah. 

**Chapter 2: Naruto's Pants, Sasuke's Makeup**

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo and another for good luck: O 

As it was a beautiful shiney day in Konoha, Kakashi felt the urge to sit in his bathtub. No, not to take a bath, but to sit and be one with his favorite meat cleaver. 

"Hmm, hmm, hmm," our favorite jounin thought out loud. "I love my meat cleaver," he commented, staring into its reflection. Before he could go in depth of his love, he heard a loud noise. 

"CRAP!" he shouted, jumping up. "What was that!" The noise went off again. "GASP! GASP!" Just as those words left his mouth, creepy music began to play, and the bathroom door creaked open, Kakashi grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, even though he was completely dressed. As the door opened more, he screamed. A very manly scream mind you, _if manly is like a school girl_. Kakashi fell back down into his bath tub, as someone everyone least expected entered. 

The black haired sound Nin, known as Zaku, stepped into the room. Kakashi stood back up, and used his meat cleaver to point at Zaku. 

"What are you doing in Konoha?" Kakashi demanded. Zaku smiled. 

"I converted last week. I'm a leaf-nin now!" he pointed, full of joy and pride at his leaf-nin head band. Kakashi went into serious mode! 

"A likely story," Kakashi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "But… what are you doing in my bathroom?" he gasped, Zaku looked confused. "IT WAS THE MONKEY WITH THE PLUNDGER IN THE ATTIC**—DON'T DENY IT!**" 

"Oh, I'm just borrowing some toothpaste," Zaku stated. 

"Oh, alright," Kakashi replies, petting his meat cleaver happily. Zaku grabs the toothpaste and waves as he leaves. 

"See you later," he says, closing the door. Kakashi suddenly feels leet. 

"L4t3r m4 h0mm1e," he says, very stoner!Maahado-like and sits in the tub again. 

_SUDDENLY! There's a DJ! "Shwuuuump! Says the DJ! And it's THE NEXT DAY! Oh my god!_

Somewhere, Sakura and Sasuke were awaiting their teacher and other teammate. Well, mostly anyways. Sasuke was more nervous, about something, he seems to be trying to tell Sakura something! What could it be? 

The raven boy fidgets, and Sakura gives him a curious look. 

"Uhm, what's wrong Sasuke?" the pink haired blond asks. A non-understandable mumble erupts from the raven boy's mouth. Sakura offers another confused look in return. "What?" 

"No… makeup…" he pouts, still mumbling. 

"Ino's makeup? What?" Sakura blinks in confusion. Sasuke sudden becomes very upset. 

"I HAVE NO MORE MAKEUP!" he shouts, coming close to a temper tantrum. Sakura backs off a bit. 

"Oh," she whispers. "Uh… here!" she hands him a sparkly makeup case. SUDDENLY! 

"Yo!" Everyone's favorite silver haired scarecrow said from atop a random thing that's high up. Sasuke had begun to apply the makeup, and didn't notice, Sakura however nearly jumped out of her skin. This is a figurative term meaning "she was very frightened". 

"Shit!" she shouted. "You can't just appear out of nowhere like that! You'll give someone a heart attack!" she screams. 

"_LIKE ME!_" Inner Sakura adds in her bitchiest tone. Kakashi gives her an odd look. 

"I've been here the whole time," he tells her. She shrugs. 

"I guess I didn't notice," she sighs. 

"Guess not," Kakashi agrees, pulling out his dirty little book that everyone knows is dirty yet don't think less of Kakashi for reading in public. SUDDENLY! A lady runs by screaming! 

"Wow, that was odd," Kakashi says, as one commenting on the weather would. 

"I know!" Sakura says, surprised. "Did you see her hair! It was _so_ grey!" 

"And her handbag so totally didn't go with her outfit," Sasuke adds, putting mascara on. 

"Uhm, No I mean--" Kakashi was cut off when a hoard of suspicious looking little people began to chase women. No, I don't mean like _that_, you little dirty minded bastard! "Shit, you just see those little people!" Kakashi asks. 

"What are you smoking?" Sakura asks. Sasuke sighs. 

"Yes, it is hard to put on makeup," he sighs again, wiping off the mascara and reapplying it. 

"But I didn't say..." Kakashi trailed off slightly. 

"NO!" Sasuke hissed, protecting the makeup with his body. "This is MY makeup! Get your own." Kakashi merely gives him a strange look. This seems to be the day of strange looks. 

"Hey, where's Naruto?" as sudden realization struck her like a lightning bolt would a totem pole. Their third teammate was suspiciously missing! 

"Stop it!" Sasuke whined. 

"Stop what?" Sakura asked. 

"Stop _that_!" Sasuke glared at her. Sakura offered him another weird look. 

"Uhm… I don't know what you are talking about…" Sakura looked confusedly at Kakashi. Sasuke begins to cry. 

"You're so mean! I hate you!" Sasuke shouts at the pink haired pig before running off with the makeup bag. Kakashi shook his head, and looked longingly after Sasuke. 

"Sakura, how could you?" Kakashi asks solemnly. 

"What I do?" the girl wonders out loud. 

_AND THIS IS WHERE THE SCENE CHANGES! HOMIGAWDS!_

Somewhere, a bird chirps. Unfortunately for the bird, it happened to have a bright blond, bright orange wearing ninja shouting at it. The bird however, didn't give a rat's ass about that. The boy however, had been shouting at the bird for at least a quarter of an hour. 

"GIVE BACK KAKASHI YOU EVIL ALIENS!" he shouts, pointing up at the bird. Oddly enough, Sasuke walked by right at that moment. And by walked by, I mean ran right into the alien obsessed orange. This caused him to yell some more. "AHH! ALIE—wait," he stops and studies the raven haired boy for a moment. "Sasuke, are you crying?" 

"No," Sasuke sighs, and mutters quickly something about morons who just want his makeup. "What are you doing?" 

"Trying to save Kakashi from a bunch of EVIL NACHO EATING ALIENS FROM THE CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE!" Naruto shouted, full of… Naruto-y goodness. 

"Oh, sounds like fun. I saw him down by the bridge," Sasuke tells the orange, referring to their ever late teacher. "He tried to steal my makeup." Naruto nodded in understanding. 

"Oh what a bastard," the blond was silent for a moment. When it hit him! Not literally of course, as the only that would hit him is a leaf and that wouldn't make realization hit him. "AH! Wait, I must go help him! COME BESSEH!" Naruto pulls on the drawstrings of his pants, which proceed to fill up with air. This causes the ramen eating orange to fly into the distance. Sasuke whistled lowly. 

"Bessy, you are one nifty pair of pants," he comments. WHEN SUDDENLY! 

"Sasuke…" a voice calls to him from the mist that isn't there. Using all his ninja senses and prowess (translation: looking around wildly) he searched for the voice without prevail. 

"Sasuke… I…" it continues. Sasuke squeals like a girl. 

"I… Sasuke…" 

"Ehhh, who are you?" Sasuke demands, obviously not cowering like a girl. _But secretly we all know he is._

"It's…" A blond jumps out from the bushes… or wherever there is to hide, and strikes a pose, now with hand actions! "_Just Ino_!" says Ino. This display was awarded by much clapping brought to you by Sasuke! "Can I borrow that makeup?" the female blond asks very politely, as Shikamaru—I mean her father, taught her. Sasuke returned this question with a much undignified look, by _undignified_ I mean he's really upset. 

"No. God, it's MINE," Sasuck—Sasuke puts out quite the pout after this. 

"But my name is on it," Ino points to the rather sparkly make-up pouch, her face full of innocence and sincerity. 

"Hah, nice try," Sasuke was not fooled by Ino's clever innocent act. "But it clearly says 'Ino'," Uchiha Sasuke was also not one to be fooled by mind games. But at re-reading what the pouch said, he was quite disturbed. "Wait. CRAP. When did that get there?" he demanded, quite upset. Ino shrugged. 

"Uhm. I'm not sure. When I bought it, it said princess," Ino explains. She continues on with this so-called _explanation_. "I got it from the over-priced-sparkly-attention-grabbing-teenage-girl store." Take the upper hand, Ino quickly added: "Want to go on a date with me?" 

"Yeah okay- WAIT!" the Uchiha bunny cried in anger. "Don't confuse me like that. Don't you have hamsters to rape?" 

"Nah," she shakes her head. "Got that over with this morning." Quite the look was exchanged between Ino and Sasuke. Sasuke looking afraid, while Ino merely smiling. 

_IT'S ANOTHER ONE!_

Back to our beloved couple—I mean… Back to our beloved scarecrow and cherry blossom (whom are not dating.) Things were going quite quietly. Sakura's mind was reeling, what _had_ she done to Sasuke? And why was Kakashi upset with her. Once again however, Kakashi had pulled out his book and was reading it, perhaps for the 15th BIGILLIONTH time, but he didn't care. He never ever reached the end. But Sakura took his reading as he was ignoring her. She wondered why she was even still standing there. Neither said a word to each other, however, something in the sky had officially caught Sakura's attention. 

"Hm… Kakashi-sensei, what's that?" the pink haired girl asked, pointing up to it. What she saw was an orange ball floating in the sky. The silver haired teacher glanced up. 

"Eh?" his gaze focused on where she was pointing. "I don't know." He was being honest. 

"Looks like a flying orange," the girl comments, her hand falling to her side again. 

"Indeed it does," Kakashi replies. "Wait, it's saying something." From the so-called _flying orange_ come the call of: "ALIEEEEEEEENS!" Now, this was not a normal thing for flying oranges to scream. Normally they scream "FREEEEDOOOMMMM!" but not this orange. To this day, the sheep in Hawaii wondered why. 

"AH!" Sakura shrieks. If this were a Kakashi and Sakura fic, Kakashi would have swooped Sakura into his arms and exclaimed something like "DON'T WORRY SAKURA! I SHALL PROTECT YOU!" but as this is not a fic where they are coupled together, that shall not happen. What did happen was simply this; Sakura paused her high pitched shriek for a moment, and Kakashi stared blankly at the orange, wondering what it's problem was. "Wait, is that Naruto?" A few minutes later, the orange had come closer, and it turned out indeed to be the hero of the manga. To land, he popped his pants, and promptly fell on his behind. 

"Hey guys," the orange ninja greets happily. Sakura, after realizing it wasn't a flying orange, was quite calm. Naruto and floating pants? Makes sense if you ask me. 

"What were you doing up there?" the alpha-female asked the not-alpha-male. 

"Oh, I was just on my way here to…" Naruto trails off slightly, before flailing his arms. "OHMYGOD! SAVE KAKASHI FROM THE EVIL FREAKIN ALIENS!" Kakashi, who had been silent up to this point, decided now to enter his two cents. 

"I'm right here," the scarecrow said, raising his hand in greeting. If you could see both his eyes, he'd probably be giving Naruto an odd look. Naruto took on an exasperated look. 

"But you aren't really the true Kakashi," Naruto accused. "Only a substitute! The real Kakashi would never wear a mask!" Sakura's mouth opened slightly in shock, had _Naruto_ just said _that_? After an awkward pause, Naruto coughed slightly. "Oh wait. Yeah he woul-!" He suddenly spots something on the ground. "WHOA! WASSAT! It's a garbage pail," the blond tells the rest of the group. "LETS BLOW IT UP!" and with that he took out some explosion tags. Oh dear. 

"Wait! Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed, grabbing his arm and they stood there awkwardly for a moment, before Sakura let go, wiping her tainted hands on Kakashi's vest. "That's not a garbage bin!" 

"It's one of the suspicious looking little people from earlier," Kakashi says, slightly disgusted at Sakura wiping Naruto germs on his freshly cleaned vest. 

"No its not! It's a lawn gnome," Sakura tells the two males. The lawn gnome gave them all an evil look before exclaiming: 

"ATTACK!" At his word, millions of gnomes came from all directions! Swooping from the bushes and grasping Kakashi in their little gnome-y hands and carrying him away. Kakashi felt quite mosh raped. 

"What the…?" Naruto asked as the lawn gnomes ran off laughing evilly. So evilly in fact that Orochimaru would have been proud. And he was. 

"Oh those lawn gnomes," Orochimaru says with a chuckle, patting Kabuto on the head. 

"Quite good, quite good," Kabuto responds, polishing Orochimaru's feet. 

"Ho-shiznits, that was weirdly amazing," Sakura mutters. 

"I know! I seriously thought that it was a garbage pail," Naruto sighs, wishing he could blend in as well as those gnomes. 

"Kakashi was just kidnapped!" the cherry blossom yells at Naruto. 

"He was!" and thus Naruto began to weep terribly, shaking the world right down to its core, making Gaara wonder why the person he was fighting wasn't dead yet. 

"Aw, come on Naruto. We'll get him back," the pink haired girl tells the blond, patting his head reassuringly. "Come on, get over it." 

"Okay," the blond shrugs. Orphans _were_ good at acting. 

"That was fast," the girl sweat drops slightly. 

oOOo 

Mae-chan: Muahaha. And so concludes another chapter of Lawn Gnomes. 

Sasuke: >( I'm not like that. 

Like what? 

Sasuke: I'm not girly like that. You shouldn't make me like that! It isn't right! D: 

… >.> well.. You were OOC because you were overly upset about not being able to kill that cashier (Who wasn't really dead…) that Kakashi had already beaten up. 

Sasuke: >( damn you Kakashi… 

n.n; Anyways… please review 

Kuro: Mou… .. Sleepy-byes for Kuro… I added things in O.O Tee hee, I love making fun of Orochi-sama and Kabuto x) . . . And I love Gaara. 

Oh, Northie-chan… Let's hope the lawn gnomes don't get this fic. 

**YOU REVIEW BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME**


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